,my ,weird] ,s*ool _?#c
       ,mrs4 ,lilly ,is ,silly6


             ,dan ,gutman



            ,9 #a ,volume
         ,brl ,pages t#a-t#b1
             p#a & #a-#eh
         ,pr9t ,pages #a-#ajf



       ,sponsor$ & ,pres5t$ by
         ,am]ican ,ac;n ,fund
         = ,bl ,*n & ,adults
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           www4ac;nfund4org


   ,produc$ at ,na;nal ,brl ,press
             www4nbp4org           t#a
,text copy"r ^c #bjaa by ,dan ,gutman

,publi%$ by ,h>p],coll9s ,*n's ,books1
a divi.n ( ,h>p],coll9s ,publi%]s1
#aie ,broadway1 ,new ,york1 ,,ny
#ajjjg4

,,isbn #igh-#j-#jf-#aifiba-#h

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,to ,emma













                ,3t5ts

#a4 ,c>e] ,"d """"""""""""""""""""" #a
#b4 ,mrs4 ,lilly ,has to ,g """""" #aj
#c4 ,h[ to ,grab ,"sbody's
  ,eyeballs """""""""""""""""""""" #ag
#d4 ,di7+ ,up ,dirt """""""""""""" #cj
#e4 ,ms4 ,la,grange ,is ,/range "" #cg
#f4 ,! ,tru? ,ab ,mr4 ,dock] """"" #de
#g4 ,&rea ,goes ,crazy """"""""""" #eb
#h4 ,front-,page ,news """"""""""" #fc
#i4 ,! ,scoop ( ! ,c5tury6 """"""" #ga
#aj4 ,/op ! ,presses6 """""""""""" #gh
#aa4 ,fre$om ( ! ,press """""""""" #hg
#ab4 ,lies6 ,all ,lies6 """""""""" #ii









                                   p#a

























       ,my ,weird] ,s*ool _?#c      #a
       ,mrs4 ,lilly ,is ,silly6

                  #a
              ,c>e] ,"d

,my "n is ,a4,j4 & ,i hate spid]s4
,>5't spid]s gross8 ,ye/]"d ,i 0 9 my
backy>d1 & "o ( ^? 4gu/+ ?+s crawl$ up
my leg4 ,i ?"\ ,i 0 gonna die6
  ,"s?+ else r1lly weird happ5$
ye/]"d4 ,x 0 ,fri"d4 ,i walk$ 9to ,mr4
------------------------------------#b
,granite's class at s*ool1 & "! 7 ?ree
gr[n-ups sitt+ on *airs 9 front ( !
:itebo>d3 a fireman1 a c[boy1 & a
frogman4
  8,:o >e .1!y80 :isp]$ my fr ,ryan1
:o w eat any?+1 ev5 /uff t isn't food4
  8,^? guys m/ h escap$ f ! loony b910
sd ,mi*ael1 :o n"e ties 8 %oes4
  ,we 7 all talk+1 until ,mr4 ,granite
held up 8 h& & made a p1ce sign1 :
m1ns 8%ut up40 ,"s o!r gr[n-ups came 9
& sat 9 front ( ! :itebo>d4         #a
  8,gd morn+1 "ey"o10 sd ,mr4      a#b
---------------------------------#c-#d
,granite4 8,dr4 ,c>bles1 ! presid5t (
! ,bo>d ( ,$uca;n1 decid$ t td wd 2
,c>e] ,"d at ,ella ,m5try ,s*ool4 ,s
,i 9vit$ a few ( my frs to come 9 &
tell y ab _! jobs4 ,maybe ? w help y
decide :at .1y want to 2 :5 y gr[ up40
  8,i alr "k :at .1,i'm go+ to be10 ,i
sd4 8,a pro skatebo>d]40
  8,me too10 sd ,alexia1 :o is a girl
b is cool anyway4
  8,i want to 2 a vet]9>ian10 sd ,&rea
,"y1 ? annoy+ girl ) curly br[n hair t
,i hate4
  8,y want to gr[ up & n eat m1t80 ,i
ask$4
------------------------------------#e
  8,t's a .1veget>ian1 ,>lo60 ,&rea
sd1 roll+ h] eyes4 ,%e calls me by my
r1l "n 2c %e "ks ,i don't l x4 ,:y c't
a truck full ( veget>ians fall on
,&rea's h1d8
  ,! frogman /ood up f/4 ,he _h a mask
on 8 face & flipp]s on 8 feet4
  8,i'm a scuba div]10 he told     a#e
u4 8,i fe$ ! fi% at ! aqu>ium blah
blah blah40
  ,he told u all ab h[ he fe$s ! fi%4
,!n ! c[boy /ood up4
  8,i milk ! c[s & groom ! horses &
blah blah blah10 he sd4 ,he told u :at
x 0 l to "w on a ran*4 ,!n "s o!r guy
/ood up4
  8,i'm an ext]m9ator10 he sd4 8,my
job
------------------------------------#f
is to kill bugs & blah blah blah40
  ,gr[n-ups sure h weird jobs6
  8,\r next gue/ is a special
surprise10 ,mr4 ,granite told u4
8,pl1se welcome 444 pr(es.nal
skatebo>d] ,tony ,eagle60
  ,w[6 ,tony ,eagle is .1fam\s6 ,he's
be5 on ,,tv4 ,me & ! guys & ,alexia
/>t$ clapp+ & %\t+4
  ,tony ,eagle came roll+ 9to ! room4
,b he didn't come roll+ 9 on a
skatebo>d4 ,he came roll+ 9 on a
:eel*air6                           #c
  8,:at happ5$ to .1y80 ,i ask$4   a#f
  8,i broke e b"o 9 my body10 ,tony
told u4
  8,y m/ h be5 "w+ on a r1lly awe"s
new trick1 huh80 ask$
------------------------------------#g
,neil1 :o we call ! nude kid ev5 ?\<
he we>s clo!s4
  8,no40
------------------------------------#h
  8,w]e y try+ to jump ov] a c>80 ,i
ask$4 8,t is cool60
  8,no40
  8,:at happ5$80 ask$ ,ryan4
  8,i 444 uh 444 ran 9to a door10 sd
,tony ,eagle4
  ,\*6 ,runn+ 9to doors hurts4 ,maybe
,i don't want to 2 a pro skatebo>d] af
all4
  ,a bun* ( o!r gr[n-ups told u ab _!
jobs4 ,a lawy] told u t he >gues ) p
all "d4 ,a nurse told u t %e has to
cl1n up blood & guts & puke at a
hospital4 ,! fireman told u t "o "t a
burn+ build+ collaps$ :ile he 0 9 x4
  ,& ,i ?"\ go+ to .1s*ool 0 no     #i
fun6 ,af ,c>e] ,"d1 ,i'm n sure ,i
want to gr[ up to 2 a gr[n-up at
.1all4 ,i ?9k ,i'll j /ay a kid = !
re/ ( my life4
  ,:5 !y 7 all d"o1 ! gr[n-ups />t$ to
l1ve4 ,b y'll n"e 2lieve :o ran 9to !
door at t mo;t4
  ,nobody6 ,if y ran 9to a door1 y cd
5d up 9 a :eel*air l ,tony ,eagle4
  ,b y'll n"e 2lieve :o ran 9to !
.1doorway4
  ,i'm n gonna tell y4
  ,okay1 okay1 ,i'll tell y6 ,b y h to
r1d ! next *apt]4 ,s nah-nah-nah
boo-boo on y6
-----------------------------------#aj

                  #b
       ,mrs4 ,lilly ,has to ,g

,x 0 a lady :o came runn+ 9to \r
classroom4 ,%e 0 we>+ an old-"t man's
hat & a tr5* coat4"9 ,"! 0 a cam]a >.d
h] neck & a notepad 9 h] h&4 ,%e    #e
0 all \ ( br1?4                   a#aj
"333333
"9,i guess a tr5* coat is a coat t y
  we> 9 a tr5*4

-----------------------------------#aa
  8,is ,c>e] ,"d ov]80 %e ask$4
  8,mrs4 ,lilly60 sd ,mr4 ,granite4
  ,i recogniz$ ,mrs4 ,lilly4 ,%e's a
report] = \r local pap]1 ! .7,news
,tribune ,bullet9 ,9quir].'4 ,%e wrote
an >ticle ab \r s*ool :5 a squirrel
ate "? ! p[] l9es & all ! li<ts w5t \4
,!y put my picture 9 ! pap] & "ey?+4
,my mom put x up on ! refrig]ator4
  8,sorry ,i'm late10 ,mrs4 ,lilly sd4
8,i _h to
-----------------------------------#ab
write a big /ory ab a tree40
  8,:y did y write ab a tree80 ask$
,&rea4
  8,y1h1 :y did y write ab a tree80
ask$ ,emily1 :o alw does :at"e ,&rea
does4
  8,x fell d[n10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4
  8,s :at80 ask$ ,ryan4 8,don't   a#ab
trees fall d[n all ! "t80
  8,well1 ? tree l&$ on a h\se40
  8,was anybody hurt80 ask$ ,emily1
all worri$4
  8,no40
  8,!n :y 0 x a big /ory80 ask$ ,mr4
,granite4
  8,! tree fell on ,mayor ,hu2le's
h\se10
-----------------------------------#ac
,mrs4 ,lilly told u4
  8,oh1 & t's a big /ory80 ask$
,alexia4
  8,well1 x l&$ on ! mayor's ba?room10
,mrs4 ,lilly sd1 8& ! mayor 0 .19 !
ba?room at ! "t4 ,y see1 a tree fall+
d[n is bor+4 ,& a tree fall+ d[n on !
mayor's h\se is / pretty bor+4 ,b a
tree fall+ d[n on ! mayor's ba?room
:ile he's on ! toilet is a grt human
9t]e/ /ory4 ,t's :at ,i look =3 human
9t]e/ /ories40
  8,:at happ5$ to ,mayor ,hu2le80 ask$
,emily1 all 3c]n$4                  #g
  8,he _h to g10 sd ,mrs4         a#ac
,lilly4
-----------------------------------#ad
  8,( c\rse he _h to g10 ,i sd4 8,t's
:y he 0 9 ! ba?room40
  8,no10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,i m1n1 af
he w5t1 he _h to g40
  8,h[ c y g "r af y w5t80 ask$ ,neil
! nude kid4
  ,we w5t back & =? l t = a :ile until
,mr4 ,granite 9t]rupt$4
  8,i'm t]ribly sorry10 he sd4 8,? is
all v 9t]e/+1 b we h to d \r ma?
lesson n[40
  ,u<4 ,i hate ma?4
  8,t's too bad10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,i
want$ to %[ ! kids h[ we make !
newspap]40
  8,oh1 t wd 2 n1t60 sd ,&rea4
-----------------------------------#ae
8,don't y want to le>n h[ !y make !
newspap]80
  8,yes60 sd all ! girls except =
,alexia4
  8,no60 sd all ! boys & ,alexia4
  8,maybe y c come back ano!r     a#ae
"t to %[ ! class h[ to make a
newspap]10 su7e/$ ,mr4 ,granite4
  8,i h a bett] idea10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,:5 ,i come back1 ! kids & ,i
c make a r1l newspap] .1tgr60
  8,t's a .1wond];l idea60 sd ,mr4
,granite4 8,wd y kids l to make a r1l
newspap] ) ,mrs4 ,lilly80
  8,yes60 yell$ all ! girls except =
,alexia4
  8,no60 yell$ all ! boys & ,alexia4
-----------------------------------#af
  8,i c see ! h1dl9e n[10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,8,,,kids make newspap]6,',0
,i love x6 ,b = n[1 ,i've got to g40
  8,d y h to g1 or d y h to .1g80 ,i
ask$4
  8,i h to g10 %e repli$1 8& x's an
em]g5cy60
  ,i / didn't "k if ,mrs4 ,lilly _h to
g1 or if %e _h to .1g4 ,9 any case1 %e
w5t runn+ \ ( ! room4
  ,mrs4 ,lilly is silly4
                                    #i
                  #c               #ag
   ,h[ to ,grab ,"sbody's ,eyeballs

8,okay10 ,mr4 ,granite sd af ,mrs4
,lilly 0 g"o1 8turn to page tw5ty-?ree
9 yr ma? books40
  ,we all took \ \r ma? books & turn$
to page tw5ty-?ree4 ,b y'll n"e 2lieve
:o walk$ 9to !
-----------------------------------#ah
doorway a few m9utes lat]4
  ,x 0 ,mrs4 ,lilly ag6
  8,mrs4 ,lilly6 ,i ?"\ y sd y _h to
g10 sd ,mr4 ,granite4 8,to :at d we [e
! pl1sure ( yr company .1n[80
  "<,t's gr[n-up talk = 8,:at >e .1y
-----------------------------------#ai
do+ "h80">
  8,i did h to g10 ,mrs4 ,lilly
repli$4 8,& ,i w5t4 ,n[ ,i'm back40
  8,i'm glad a tree didn't fall on y10
,i told h]4
  8,b ,i ?"\ y 7 go+ to come back
ano!r .1"d10 sd ,mr4 ,granite4 8,we're
/>t+ \r ma? lesson n[40
  8,ma?1 eh80 ,mrs4 ,lilly sd4    a#ai
8,well1 if we pr9t up a newspap] ) t5
pages 9 x & "! >e five >ticles on ea*
page1 h[ _m >ticles c we fit 9to !
newspap]80
  ,"s kids rais$ _! h&s4 ,mrs4 ,lilly
call$ on ,ll ,miss ,i-,"k-,"ey?+1 (
c\rse4
-----------------------------------#bj
  8,fifty60 sd ,&rea4 8,2c five t5s
make fifty40
  8,correct60 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,see1
we j did a ma? lesson4 ,n[ let's write
"s ( ^? >ticles = \r newspap]40
  8,yay60 we all %\t$4
  8,i give up10 sd ,mr4 ,granite4 8,if
y ne$ me1 ,i'll 2 9 ! t1*]s' l\nge40
  ,he w5t to ! t1*]s' l\nge1 : is a
secret room ": ! t1*]s g to h hot tub
"pies4
  ,mrs4 ,lilly took (f h] tr5* coat1 &
we all ga!r$ >.d h] on ! floor4
  8,:at %d we write ab80 ask$ ,emily4
  8,write ab :at y "k10 sd ,mrs4
                                   #aa
,lilly4 8,y "k a lot ab yr         #ba
s*ool4 ,h[ ab we make a s*ool
newspap]8 ,we c call x 444 .7,! ,ella
,m5try ,s5try.'4 ,y c all write
>ticles = x40
  8,yay60 "eybody yell$4
  ,ll ,miss ,annoy+ 0 all excit$1 & %e
0 wav+ h] h& >.d l x 0 on fire4
  8,i alr wrote "s?+ at home10 ,&rea
ann\nc$1 pull+ "s pap]s \ ( h] desk4
8,maybe we c use x 9 \r newspap]40
  ,u<4 ,cd %e possibly 2 m bor+8 ,only
,&rea wd write an >ticle = a newspap]
2f %e ev5 knew we 7 go+ to .1make a
newspap]4 ,%e held
-----------------------------------#bb
up h] dumb >ticle s we cd all see x4
,! f/ page sd3

  ,,,i love ella m5try s*ool,'
  ,by ,br5da ,my]s

  8,:o's ,br5da ,my]s80 ask$ ,alexia4
  8,t's my p5 "n10 sd ,&rea4
  8,y "n yr p5s80 ,i sd4 8,t's weird40
  ,&rea roll$ h] eyes & !n %e     a#bb
r1d h] >ticle \ l\d4 ,x 0 all ab h[ \r
s*ool 0 built 9 #aifa1 & x 0 "nd af a
t1*] "nd ,ella ,m5try4 ,!n x w5t on to
talk ab a bun* ( o!r r1lly bor+ /uff1
l ! hi/ory ( ! s*ool4 ,i ?"\ ,i 0
gonna die f bor$om4
-----------------------------------#bc
  ,:5 ! torture 0 ov]1 ,&rea look$ up
at ,mrs4 ,lilly & wait$ = h] to say h[
wond];l t dumb >ticle was4 ,:at a
br[nnos]6 ,b t's :5 ! mo/ amaz+ ?+ 9 !
hi/ory ( ! _w happ5$4
-----------------------------------#bd
  ,mrs4 ,lilly dropp$ ,&rea's >ticle
9to ! g>bage c6
  8,t 0 t]rible10 %e sd4
  8,oh1 snap60 sd ,ryan4
  ,well1 ,&rea look$ l %e 0 go+ to
.1explode6 ,i don't ?9k a gr[n-up .1"e
sd any?+ l .1t to h]4 ,ha-ha6
,nah-nah-nah boo-boo on ,&rea6 ,9 h]
face6
-----------------------------------#be
,x 0 ! grte/ mo;t ( my life4       #ac
  8.7,! ,ella ,m5try ,s5try.'     a#be
ne$s to r1* \ & grab ! r1d]'s
eyeballs10 ,mrs4 ,lilly told u4
  8,\*60 ,i sd4 8,i don't want anybody
t\*+ my eyeballs40
  8,:at ,i m1n is t newspap]s h to
compete ) ! 9t]net1 ,,tv1 & video
games10 ,mrs4 ,lilly told u4 8,\r pap]
ne$s to h .1excit+ /ories40
  8,i ?"\ yr >ticle 0 wond];l1 ,&rea10
:isp]$ ,emily1 :o loves "ey?+ ,&rea
does4
  8,b \r s*ool is r1lly bor+10 sd
,mi*ael4 8,i don't ?9k we c make an
excit+ newspap] t w grab
-----------------------------------#bf
p's eyeballs40
  8,no?+ 9t]e/+ "e happ5s "h10 sd
,ryan4
  8,y1h10 sd ,neil ! nude kid1 8?
s*ool is bor+4 ,we don't h any gd
/ories to tell40
  8,sure y d60 ,mrs4 ,lilly sd4 8,y've
j got to dig = !m40
  ,at t mo;t ,mr4 ,klutz came 9to !
classroom4 ,he's \r pr9cipal1 &   a#bf
he has no hair at all4 ,i m1n n"o4 ,8
h1d looks l a li<tbulb4"9
  8,we're mak+ a newspap] all ab !
s*ool10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,c we
"333333
"9,not "o ( ^? curly li<tbulbs4 ,t wd
  2 weird4
-----------------------------------#bg
9t]view y1 ,mr4 ,klutz80
  8,c]ta9ly60 he repli$4 8,a s*ool
newspap] is a grt idea4 ,:at wd y l to
"k ab me80
  ,i ?"\ ,mrs4 ,lilly 0 go+ to ask
-----------------------------------#bh
,mr4 ,klutz :at x 0 l to 2 a pr9cipal
& bor+ /uff l t4 ,b %e didn't4
  8,tell u1 ,mr4 ,klutz10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly1 8:5 did y lose yr hair80
  ,"eybody gasp$4 ,nobody _h "e ask$
,mr4 ,klutz ab 8 hair 2f4
  8,t's p]sonal60 sd ,&rea4 8,we %dn't
ask p "qs l t40
  8,oh1 ,i don't m9d10 ,mr4 ,klutz sd4
8,let's see4 444 ,i rememb] my     #ae
w$d+ pictures4 ,i _h a full h1d   a#bh
( hair :5 ,i f/ got m>ri$4 ,my hair
/>t$ fall+ \ >.d ! "t my wife & ,i got
divorc$4 ,& by ! "t ,i got m>ri$ ag1
,i 0 totally bald40
  ,mr4 ,klutz told u "s m /uff ab
-----------------------------------#bi
! gd old "ds :5 he _h hair & !n he sd
he _h to g4
  8,d y h to g10 ,i ask$1 8or d y h to
.1g80
  8,i h to g10 he sd4
  ,mr4 ,klutz left1 & ,mrs4 ,lilly w5t
ov] to ! :itebo>d4
  8,s we're go+ to write an >ticle ab
,mr4 ,klutz's hair80 ask$ ,alexia4
  8,no1 ,i h ano!r idea10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,let me %[ y h[ ,i wd h&le ?
9t]view4 ,x's a grt human 9t]e/ /ory4
,i c see ! h1dl9e n[4 4440
  ,& !n %e wrote ? on ! :itebo>d1 )
big lrs 444

  ,,,mr4 klutz has two wives6,'

                  #d               #cj
           ,di7+ ,up ,dirt

8,mr4 ,klutz has two wives80 ask$
,ryan4
  8,sure60 ,mrs4 ,lilly sd4 8,he _h "o
wife & !n he got divorc$ & m>ri$
"sbody else4 ,t's two wives40
  8,b he didn't h two wives at !
-----------------------------------#ca
same "t10 ,&rea po9t$ \4
  8,i n"e sd he did10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4
8,n[1 :at ab ! .1o!r gr[n-ups at ,ella
,m5try ,s*ool8 ,we ne$ to dig up "s
dirt40
  8,y %d g \ to ! playgr.d10 ,i
su7e/$4 8,"!'s pl5ty ( dirt "!40
  8,n .1t k9d ( dirt60 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,we ne$ "s hot /ories t w
grab p's eyeballs4 ,alexia & ,emily1
,i want y to "w z a t1m4 ,g sn1k 9to !
t1*]s' l\nge4 ,see :at .1r1lly goes on
9 "!40
  8,"r1 ,*ief60 sd ,emily4
  8,ryan & ,mi*ael1 y're a t1m1    #ag
too10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,g "?     a#ca
all !
-----------------------------------#cb
g>bage cans 9 ! s*ool4 ,f9d \ if any
t1*]s ?r[ away any?+ 9t]e/+40
  8,we're on x60 sd ,mi*ael4
  8,neil10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,i want y
to put a tail on ,mr4 ,macky1 ! r1d+
speciali/40
  8,:y80 ask$ ,neil4 8,p don't h
tails40
  8,n .1t k9d ( a tail60 ,mrs4 ,lilly
sd4 8,i want y to foll[ ,mr4 ,macky
>.d4 ,see ": he goes4 ,see :o he talks
to4 ,!n report back to u40
  8,got x1 ,*ief60 sd ,neil4
  8,a4,j4 & ,&rea1 y're a t1m10 sd
,mrs4 ,lilly4
-----------------------------------#cc
  8.1,oooooh60 ,ryan sd4 8,a4,j4 &
,&rea >e a t1m4 ,!y m/ 2 9 .1love60
  8,:5 >e y gonna get m>ri$80 ask$
,mi*ael4
  ,if ^? guys w]5't my be/ frs1 ,i wd
hate !m4
  8,i want y to 9t]view z _m      a#cc
t1*]s z y c10 ,mrs4 ,lilly told ,&rea
& me4 8,br+ back "s scoops40
  8,:y d y ne$ scoops80 ,i ask$4 8,did
yr dog g to ! ba?room80
  8,n .1^? k9d ( scoops60 ,mrs4 ,lilly
%\t$4
  8,scoops >e /ories1 ,>lo10 ,&rea sd1
roll+ h] eyes4
  8,i knew t10 ,i li$4
-----------------------------------#cd
  8,dig up "s secrets10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,get "s 9=ma;n nobody else
"ks4 ,y all h "o h\r4 ,af t1 report
back "h1 & we'll put .7,! ,ella ,m5try
,s5try.' tgr on ! comput]4 ,i c't wait
to see h[ y make \40
  8,ewwwwwwwww1 4gu/+60 we all %\t$4
8,mrs4 ,lilly sd ,8make \,060
  8,:at if we don't f9d any secrets80
,mi*ael ask$4
  8,"eybody has secrets10 ,mrs4 ,lilly
sd4 8,g \ "! & f9d !m4 ,ask ! t1*]s to
tell y "s?+ ab !mvs t nobody "ks4 ,&
make sure to get yr facts "r4      #ai
,t's v important40                a#cd
-------------------------------#ce-#cf
  8,b,-0
  8,no buts6 ,g6 ,g6 ,g60
  ,we all gi7l$ 2c ,mrs4 ,lilly sd
8b10 : s.ds j l 8butt0 except t x only
has "o ;t4 ,b 8butt0 is a lot funni]
?an 8b40 ,nobody "ks :y4
-----------------------------------#cg

                  #e
     ,ms4 ,la,grange ,is ,/range

,&rea gra2$ h] notebook & a p5cil4 ,!n
we w5t sl9k+ d[n ! hallway l secret
ag5ts4 ,x 0 cool4
  8,isn't ? excit+1 ,>lo80 sd ,&rea4
8,we're l r1l 9ve/igative report]s4 ,i
hope we get "s gd 9t]views60
-----------------------------------#ch
  8,i h an idea10 ,i sd4 8,we %d sn1k
\ ( s*ool & g home4 ,!n ,i cd play
video games = ! re/ ( ! "d4 ,nobody wd
"e "k we 7 g"o40
  8.1,%hhhhhhh60 ,&rea sd4 8,i ?9k ,i
he> "sbody4 ,hold my h&40         a#ch
  8,i'm n hold+ h&s ) y10 ,i told h]4
8,report]s don't hold h&s40
-----------------------------------#ci
  8,!y d if !y're 9 .1love10 %e
repli$4
  ,u<1 4gu/+6 ,i ?"\ ,i 0 gonna ?r[
up4
  ,we snuck >.d ! corn]1 ": ,i spott$
an op5 door4
  8,! vomitorium60 we bo? sd4
  ,! vomitorium is ": we eat lun*4 ,x
us$ to 2 call$ ! cafetorium1 b !n "o
"d "s kid ?rew up 9 "!1 & x's be5 !
vomitorium "e s9ce4
  ,! only p]son 9 ! vomitorium 0 \r
lun* lady1 ,ms4 ,la,grange4 ,%e's f
,fr.e1 : is ? c.try ": !y eat frogs'
legs4
  8,bonj\r60 sd ,ms4 ,la,grange4
"<,t's ,fr.e talk = 8hello40"> 8,lun*
w n 2
-----------------------------------#dj
r1dy = an h\r4 ,:at c ,i d = y kids80
  ,&rea got h] pad & p5cil r1dy    #ba
s %e cd take notes4               a#dj
  8,we're "h to dig up "s dirt10 ,i
told ,ms4 ,la,grange4
-----------------------------------#da
  8,well10 %e sd1 8"!'s dirt 9 !
fl[]pot on ! w9d[sill40
  8,n .1t k9d ( dirt60 ,&rea told h]4
8,we ne$ a scoop40
  ,ms4 ,la,grange pick$ a scoop \ ( !
s9k4
  8,"h10 %e sd1 8y c use ? scoop to
dig up "s dirt f ! fl[]pot40
  8,n .1t k9d ( scoop60 sd ,&rea4
  8,we're mak+ a s*ool newspap]1 s we
ne$ to 9t]view y10 ,i told ,ms4
,la,grange4 8,tell u "s?+ ab yrf t
nobody "ks40
  8,hmmmm10 ,ms4 ,la,grange said4"9
8,:5
"333333
"9,gr[n-ups alw say 8,hmmmm0 :5 !y're
  ?9k+4 ,nobody "ks :y4
-----------------------------------#db
,i 0 a ll girl gr[+ up 9 ,fr.e1 my
p>5ts [n$ a re/aurant 4440
  ,ms4 ,la,grange />t$ tell+ u    a#db
all ab h] p>5ts' re/aurant4 ,x s.d$ l
x 0 go+ to 2 bor+4 ,b ,ll ,miss
,p]fect 0 writ+ d[n e ^w 9 h] notebook
anyway4
  8,um-hmm10 ,&rea sd4 8,g on40
  8,well1 "o "d10 ,ms4 ,la,grange sd1
8,i 0 9 ! re/aurant eat+ my lun*4 ,x 0
s\p4 ,a nice tomato s\p ) ll crack]s
blah blah blah 4440
  ,u<4 ,i ?"\ ,i 0 gonna die4 ,:o c>$
:at k9d ( s\p x was8 ,? 0 ! mo/ bor+
/ory 9 ! hi/ory ( ! _w4 ,we 7 wa/+ \r
"t
-----------------------------------#dc
9t]view+ ,ms4 ,la,grange4
  8,s ,i 0 dr9k+ my s\p10 %e 3t9u$1
8:5 ,i saw ! reflec;n ( a man's face 9
! s\p b[l40
  8,s80 ,i ask$1 bor$4
  8,& d y "k ^: reflec;n ,i saw 9 !
s\p80 %e ask$4
  8,:o80 ask$ ,&rea4
  8,elvis ,presley60 ,ms4 ,la,grange
sd4 8,he walk$ "r 9to \r           #bc
re/aurant & ate lun* "!60         a#dc
  8,,w[10 we sd1 : is 8,,mom0 upside
d[n4
-----------------------------------#dd
  8,n[ .1t's a scoop60 ,&rea sd4
8,let's g tell ,mrs4 ,lilly60
  ,we ran all ! way back to \r
classroom4 ,mrs4 ,lilly 0 sitt+ at !
comput]4 ,%e _h alr typ$ ,,,! ella
m5try s5try,' on ! scre51 & 2l x 7
blank spaces ": ! >ticles wd g4 ,we
told h] ab \r 9t]view ) ,ms4
,la,grange4
  8,t's grt60 %e sd4 8,? cd 2 \r l1d
/ory60
  ,!n %e typ$ ? \ 9 big lrs3

  ,,,lun* lady sees <o/ ( elvis 9 s\p
  b[l6,'
-----------------------------------#de

                  #f
       ,! ,tru? ,ab ,mr4 ,dock]

,mrs4 ,lilly 0 r1lly pr\d ( u = !
scoop we got f ,ms4 ,la,grange4   a#de
  8,grt "w1 y two60 %e sd4 8,n[ g \ "!
& get u ano!r /ory l t40
  8,w d1 ,*ief60 ,&rea sd4
-----------------------------------#df
  ,we sl9k$ d[n ! hall l secret ag5ts
ag4 ,af a few m9utes we got tir$ (
sl9k+1 b we bump$ 9to ,mr4 ,dock]1 \r
sci;e t1*]4 ,he 0 com+ \ ( ! ba?room4
  8,we're do+ 9t]views = ! s*ool
pap]10 ,&rea sd4 8,c y tell u "s?+ ab
yrf t nobody "ks80
  8,hmmmm10 sd ,mr4 ,dock]1 8let me
?9k40
  8,l maybe y h two wives10 ,i su7e/$1
8or y saw ,elvis 9 a s\p b[l40
  8,no1 no?+ l t10 ,mr4 ,dock] sd4 8,i
guess ,i l1d a pretty dull life4 ,x's
j
-----------------------------------#dg
"w1 "w1 "w all ! "t40
  ,x didn't seem l we 7 gett+ any": )
,mr4 ,dock]4 ,he 0 bor+4
  8,:at d y d :5 y're n "w+80 ask$
,&rea4                             #be
  8,oh1 my wife & ,i l to         a#dg
ex]cise tgr10 he told u4 8,we g runn+
e ,satur"d4 ,i ev5 won a race la/
week40
-----------------------------------#dh
  8,r1lly80 ,&rea sd1 writ+ x all d[n
9 h] pad4 8,t's excit+60
  8,did yr wife run 9 ! race too80 ,i
ask$4
  8,oh yes10 sd ,mr4 ,dock]4 8,%e did
v well4 ,%e came 9 ?ird place40
  8,we ne$ to make sure we h all !
facts "r10 ,i sd4 8,s y ran 9 a race
ov] ! week5d4 ,y came 9 f/1 & yr wife
came 9 ?ird4 ,is t "r80
  8,yes10 sd ,mr4 ,dock]4 8,we ev5 got
free ;,t-%irts40
  8,grt60 ,i sd4 8,?anks = giv+ u an
9t]view60
  ,mr4 ,dock] w5t to ! sci;e room4
,&rea & ,i ru%$ back to \r
-----------------------------------#di
classroom4
  8,isn't x excit+ t ,mr4 ,dock] won a
race ov] ! week5d1 ,>lo80 ,&rea sd4
8,? is go+ to make a grt >ticle   a#di
= ! pap]60
  8,no x won't10 ,i sd4 8,t /ory is
bor+4 ,i h a bett] /ory to write40
  ,:5 we got to \r classroom1 ,mrs4
,lilly 0 at ! comput] "w+ on .7,!
,ella ,m5try ,s5try.'4 ,i told h] we
_h ano!r big scoop1 & %e sd x wd 2
okay if ,i typ$ ! h1dl9e on ! comput]
by myf4 ,s ,i typ$ ?3

  ,,,mr4 dock] b1ts 8 wife6,'

  8,y c't write t1 ,>lo60 ,&rea sd4
8,:at a horrible ?+ to say6 ,mr4
-----------------------------------#ej
,dock] doesn't b1t 8 wife60
  8,he does too60 ,i sd4 8,!y 7 9 a
race4 ,he won1 & %e came 9 ?ird place4
,s he b1t h]4 ,x's "r "! 9 yr notes40
  8,mrs4 ,lilly80 ask$ ,&rea4 8,:at d
.1y say80
  ,&rea look$ at ,mrs4 ,lilly4 ,mrs4
,lilly look$ at me4 ,i look$ at ,mrs4
,lilly4 ,mrs4 ,lilly look$ at      #bg
,&rea4 ,we 7 all look+ at ea*     a#ej
o!r4 ,y cd h he>d a p9 drop1 if any (
u _h be5 hold+ p9s4 ,b :y wd anybody
br+ p9s to s*ool8 ,t wd 2 weird4
  8,? is front-page news60 ,mrs4
,lilly f9ally sd4 8,grt job1 ,a4,j46
,y >e a natural report]40
-----------------------------------#ea
  8,?ank y60 ,i sd4
  ,i look$ at ,&rea & /uck my t;gue \4
-----------------------------------#eb

                  #g
          ,&rea ,goes ,crazy

,:5 ,mrs4 ,lilly told me ,i 0 a
natural report]1 ,&rea's face got all
r$4 ,i don't ?9k a gr[n-up "e sd t
ano!r kid 0 bett] ?an h] at .1any?+4
,x look$ l ,&rea want$ to yell & scr1m
at ,mrs4 ,lilly4 ,b ( c\rse ,ll
-----------------------------------#ec
,miss ,br[nnos] wd n"e say any?+ m1n
to a gr[n-up1 s ,&rea j /ood "! ) h]
eyes bu7+ \4 ,i ?"\ %e 0 go+ to
explode6 ,x 0 ! grte/ mo;t ( my   a#ec
life4
  8,n[ g \ "! & dig up "s m dirt10
,mrs4 ,lilly told u4 8,we only h half
an h\r left40
  ,&rea & ,i w5t \ 9to ! hallway ag4
,%e 0 all mad1 /omp+ >.d & mak+ h] be/
m1n face at me4
  8,any?+ y c d1 ,i c d bett]1 ,>lo60
%e sd4 8,i'll %[ .1y :o's a natural
report]60
  8,%ee%10 ,i sd1 8take a *ill pill40
  ,we w&]$ >.d ! hallways =
-----------------------------------#ed
a :ile until we saw ,mrs4 ,yonk]s 9 !
comput] room4 ,%e 0 by h]f1 s x m/ h
be5 h] free p]iod4
  ,&rea m>*$ ov] to ,mrs4 ,yonk]s &
ask$ h] to tell u ! mo/ excit+ ?+ t "e
happ5$ to h]4
  8,oh1 ,i'm n a v excit+ p]son1 ,i'm
sorry to say10 sd ,mrs4 ,yonk]s4 8,i
take my son to swimm+ practice1 ,i g
groc]y %opp+1 & on ! week5d we h
b>becues 9 ! backy>d4 4440         #bi
  8,y say y h b>becues 9 yr       a#ed
backy>d80 ask$ ,&rea1 writ+ d[n e ^w4
  8,sure1 alm e week10 sd ,mrs4
,yonk]s4 8,x's fun40
-----------------------------------#ee
  8,grt60 ,&rea sd4 8,let's g1 ,>lo40
  ,hav+ a b>becue 9 ! backy>d didn't
s.d l m* ( a scoop to me4 ,b :5 we w5t
\ 9to ! hallway1 ,&rea wrote ? 9 h]
notebook3

  ,,,mrs4 yonk]s sets fires = fun6,'

  8,%e doesn't set fires = fun10 ,i
told ,&rea4
  8,t's :at %e sd60 ,&rea 9si/$4 8,i h
x "r "h 9 my notes6 ,y're n ! .1only
natural report] >.d "h1 ,>lo4 ,i c dig
up ! dirt1 too4 ,? is a grt human
9t]e/ /ory40
  8,:at"e10 ,i sd4
  ,we saw \r vice pr9cipal1 ,mrs4
,jafee1
-----------------------------------#ef
com+ d[n ! hall1 & ,&rea ran ov] to
h]4                               a#ef
  8,we're writ+ >ticles = ! pap]10 %e
sd4 8,mrs4 ,jafee1 :at's ! wor/ ?+ t
"e happ5$ to y80
  8,hmmm10 sd ,mrs4 ,jafee4 8,i _h a
sad *ildhood4 ,my family 0 v poor4 ,"!
7 ev5 rats 9 \r h\se4 ,x 0 s bad1 we
_h to use poison to get rid ( !m40
  8,grt60 sd ,&rea1 writ+ 9 h]
notebook4 ,:5 ,mrs4 ,jafee left1 ,i
look$ at :at ,&rea _h writt53

  ,,,vice pr9cipal liv$ ) rats6,'

  ,b !n ,&rea cross$ t \ ) h] p5cil4
  8,i h a bett] idea10 %e sd4 ,& !n
-----------------------------------#eg
%e wrote ?3

  ,,,vice pr9cipal poison$ def5se.s
  animals6,'

  ,&rea _h ? wild look 9 h] eyes l
crazy p d 9 ! movies4 ,x 0 sc>y6 ,t's
:5 ! s*ool secur;y gu>d1 ,(fic]    #ca
,sp;e1 came ov]4                  a#eg
  8,>e y kids suppos$ to 2 roam+ >.d 9
! halls80 he ask$ u4
  8,sure10 ,i told hm4 8,we're writ+
>ticles = ! s*ool pap]40
  8,yes10 ,&rea sd4 8,secur;y gu>ds m/
l1d v dang]\s lives4 ,c y tell u ab a
"t y b1t up a bad guy1 or "s?+ excit+
l t80
  8,no1 ,i n"e b1t up any bad guys10
sd ,(fic] ,sp;e4 8,b 2f ,i got ? job1
-----------------------------------#eh
,i 0 a secur;y gu>d 9 a prison4 ,t
wasn't m* fun40
  8,h[ l;g did y "w 9 ! prison80 ,i
ask$4
  8,oh1 ab five ye>s40
  ,&rea got t crazy look 9 h] eyes ag
:ile %e 0 writ+ notes4 ,x 0 alm l ! "t
,i hypnotiz$ h] & %e climb$ up on !
ro(4 ,:5 ,(fic] ,sp;e walk$ away1 %e
%[$ me :at %e _h writt5 9 h] notebook3

  ,,,(fic] sp;e 0 9 jail = five
  ye>s6,'
                                  a#eh
  8,he 0 n60 ,i told ,&rea4
  8,he 0 too60 %e 9si/$4 8,i h x "r "h
9 my notes60
-----------------------------------#ei
  ,we w5t back & =? l t = a :ile4
,&rea 0 gett+ \ ( 3trol6
  ,af t %e m>*$ up to 9t]view ,ms4
,coco1 \r gift$ & tal5t$ t1*]4
  ,ms4 ,coco told u t h] c> broke d[n
! o!r "d1 & %e _h to use "sbody else's
c> to drive to s*ool4 ,s ,&rea wrote ?
9 h] notebook3

  ,,,ms4 coco is a c> ?ief6,'

  ,!n we w5t ov] to ! (fice to 9t]view
,mrs4 ,patty1 ! s*ool secret>y4 ,%e
told u a r1lly sad /ory ab ! "t h] dog
di$ 9 an a3id5t :5 %e 0 a ll kid4 ,b ?
is :at ,&rea wrote 9 h] notebook3

  ,,,mrs4 patty,-dog kill]6,'

                                   #cc
  ,i slapp$ my h1d4 ,i 0 a ll      #fj
worri$ ab all ! dirt ,&rea 0 di7+ up4
  8,i'm n sure we %d put ^? >ticles 9
! pap]10 ,i told h] z we walk$ back to
\r class4 8,we mi<t get 9to big
tr\ble40
  8,oh1 take a *ill pill1 ,>lo10 ,&rea
sd4 8,mrs4 ,lilly told u to dig up "s
dirt4 ,i'm j do+ :at %e told u to d40
  ,&rea .1alw does :at gr[n-ups tell
h] to d4 ,a gr[n-up cd tell h] to g
jump (f a bridge1 & ,&rea wd d x4 ,:at
is h] problem8
  8,we %d probably 9t]view ,mr4
,granite10 ,i su7e/$4 8,af all1 he is
\r t1*]40
  8,we don't ne$ to 9t]view ,mr4
,granite10
-------------------------------#fa-#fb
,&rea sd4 8,i "k exactly :at to write
ab hm40
  ,%e wrote ? 9 h] notebook3

  ,,,?ird-grade t1*] is an illegal
  ali56,'
                                  a#fb
  ,well1 at l1/ t "o 0 true4 ,mr4
,granite .1is f ano!r planet4
-----------------------------------#fc

                  #h
          ,front-,page ,news

,&rea & ,i did a bun* ( 9t]views ) !
gr[n-ups at \r s*ool4 ,:5 we got back
to ! classroom1 ,ryan 0 ! only o!r kid
:o 0 "!4 ,he sd t he & ,mi*ael didn't
f9d any?+ 9t]e/+ :5 !y 7 go+ "?
-----------------------------------#fd
! g>bage c1 s !y decid$ to split up &
"w sep>ately4
  ,&rea 0 all pr\d ( h]f = di7+ up
dirt1 & %e %[$ ,mrs4 ,lilly h]
notebook3

  ,,,mrs4 yonk]s sets fires = fun6
  ,,,vice pr9cipal poison$ def5se.s
    animals6
  ,,,(fic] sp;e 0 9 jail = five ye>s6
  ,,,ms4 coco is a c> ?ief6        #ce
  ,,,mrs4 patty,-dog kill]6       a#fd
  ,,,?ird-grade t1*] is an illegal
    ali56,'

  8,^! >e t]rific /ories1 ,&rea60
,mrs4 ,lilly told h]4 8,y & ,a4,j4
make a grt t1m60
-----------------------------------#fe
  8.1,oooooh60 ,ryan sd4 8,a4,j4 &
,&rea make a grt t1m4 ,!y m/ 2 9
.1love60
  ,&rea sd %e took a typ+ class af
s*ool "<( c\rse">1 s %e 0 all[$ to
type h] /ories 9to ! comput]4 ,%e _h t
crazy look 9 h] eyes ! :ole "t4
  ,"eybody else />t$ fil+ back 9to
class4"9
  8,did y dig up any gd dirt80 ,mrs4
,lilly ask$ "ey"o4 ,? "o kid came 9 )
a bucket full ( dirt4 .1,r1l dirt4
  8,n .1t k9d ( dirt60 we all yell$ at
hm4
  ,:at a dumbh1d4
"333333
"9,!y didn't actually come 9to class
  hold+ files4 ,my dad has a      a#fe
  file 9 8 "w%op d[n ! base;t4 ,x wd 2
  weird to file 9 class4

-----------------------------------#ff
  ,neil ! nude kid came runn+ 9to !
classroom4 ,he look$ all excit$4
  8,did y dig up any dirt80 ,mrs4
,lilly ask$ hm4
  8,i put a tail on ,mr4 ,macky l y
told me to10 ,neil sd4 8,i foll[$ hm
>.d = an h\r1 & guess :at ,i cau<t hm
do+80
  8,:at80 we all ask$4
  8,i saw ,mr4 ,macky & ,mrs4 ,daisy
tgr10 ,neil sd4 8,!y 7 /&+ ne> ! wat]
f.ta94 ,& !y 7 444 .1kiss+60
  ,"eybody gasp$4
  8,ewwww1 4gu/+60 me & ! guys &
,alexia w5t4
-----------------------------------#fg
  8,wait a m9ute10 sd ,emily4 8,mr4
,macky & ,mrs4 ,daisy >e .1m>ri$40
  8,ewwww60 ,i sd4 8,t's ev5 .1m
4gu/+40                            #cg
  8,no1 x's a grt /ory60 ,&rea    a#fg
sd4 ,!n %e typ$ ? 9to ! comput]3

  ,,,mr4 macky spott$ kiss+ m>ri$
  woman6,'

  8,i love x60 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,put
t on ! front page6 ,:at else h y kids
got80
  8,emily & ,i snuck 9to ! t1*]s'
l\nge10 sd ,alexia4
-----------------------------------#fh
  8,:at did y f9d 9 "!80 ask$ ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,any gd dirt80
  8,did y see ! hot tub80 ,i ask$4
  8,no1 no?+ v excit+10 ,emily sd4
8,"! 7 j a bun* ( t1*]s eat+ lun*40
  8,t's all80 ask$ ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,t's
n a /ory40
  8,y1h1 x 0 r1lly bor+10 ,alexia sd4
8,! mo/ excit+ ?+ t happ5$ 0 t ,miss
,laney spill$ "s apple juice & _h to
cl1n x up40
  ,&rea sudd5ly look$ up f ! comput]
scre5 ) ^? crazy eyes ( h]s4 8,:at80
%e ask$4 8,did y say ,miss        a#fh
,laney spill$ juice8 ,t's a grt
-----------------------------------#fi
human 9t]e/ /ory60
  ,!n %e typ$ ? 9to ! comput]3

  ,,,spee* t1*] has a dr9k+ problem,'

  8,t's .1g5ius60 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,y
>e a .1grt report]1 ,&rea60
  8,?ank y60
  ,&rea _h a big1 crazy-ey$ smile on
-----------------------------------#gj
h] face1 l %e j won ! ,no ,bell ,prize
or "s?+4"9 ,%e j .1loves x :5 gr[n-ups
tell h] h[ wond];l %e is4
  8,hey10 ,neil ! nude kid sudd5ly sd1
8":'s ,mi*ael80
  ,we all look$ >.d4 ,"eybody 0 back 9
! classroom except = ,mi*ael4
  8,yes1 ": .1is ,mi*ael80 ask$ ,mrs4
,lilly4
  8,! la/ "t ,i saw hm10 ,ryan sd1 8he
0 climb+ 9to ! ,dump/] 9 ! playgr.d4
,he sd he 0 look+ = a scoop40      #ci
"333333                           a#gj
"9,?at's a prize !y give \ to p :o
  don't h bells4
-----------------------------------#ga

                  #i
        ,! ,scoop ( ! ,c5tury6

,we didn't wait >.d = ,mi*ael to come
back to class4 ,we _h a newspap] to
f9i%4
  ,&rea typ$ h] /ories 9to ! comput]4
,mrs4 ,lilly us$ a laptop comput] to
look up photos we cd use4 ,%e f.d a
-----------------------------------#gb
picture ( ,elvis ,presley & made x
look l he 0 /&+ next to ,ms4
,la,grange4 ,!n %e f.d a picture (
,(fic] ,sp;e & drew b>s 9 front ( 8
face to make x look l he 0 9 jail4 ,%e
cut \ a picture ( ,mrs4 ,yonk]s smil+
& put x 9 front ( a picture ( a h\se t
0 burn+ d[n4
  ,mrs4 ,lilly %[$ u h[ to put !
photos 9to \r classroom comput]1 &
,&rea wrote cap;ns "u !m3         a#gb
      @.<,picture@.> ,ms4 ,la,grange
    _h an ,elvis si<t+ :ile sipp+ s\p4
-----------------------------------#gc
      @.<,picture@.> ,(fic] ,sp;e 2h
    b>s4
      @.<,picture@.> ,:5 %e's n t1*+1
    ,mrs4 ,yonk]s 5joys sett+ fires4
  ,! front page ( .7,! ,ella ,m5try
,s5try.' look$ grt4
  8,i say ? pap] is d"o10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,let's pr9t x60
-----------------------------------#gd
  ,&rea hit ! ,,pr9t button1 & ! pr9t]
/>t$ pr9t+4 ,2c t's :at pr9t]s d4 ,b
y'll n"e 2lieve :o ran 9to ! door at t
mo;t6
  ,nobody4 ,:y wd any"o run 9to a
door8 ,t wd hurt4 ,b y'll n"e 2lieve
:o ran 9to ! .1doorway4
  ,x 0 ,mi*ael6 ,he 0 we>+ 8 backpack1
& he 0 all \ ( br1?4
-----------------------------------#ge
  8,did y get a scoop80 ,mrs4 ,lilly
ask$ hm4                           #da
  8,i got ! be/ scoop 9 !         a#ge
hi/ory ( ! _w60 ,mi*ael repli$4
  8,,,/op ! presses6,'0 %\t$ ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,mi*ael has a scoop60
  ,&rea /opp$ ! pr9t]4 ,we all look$
at ,mi*ael4
  ,n[1 ,i "k :at y're ?9k+4 ,y're ?9k+
! same ?+ ,i 0 ?9k+4 ,y're ?9k+ t
,mi*ael pull$ a pla/ic scoop \ ( 8
backpack4 ,y're ?9k+ t we all yell$ at
hm1 8,n .1t k9d ( scoop60
  ,b ,mi*ael .1didn't pull a scoop \ (
8 backpack4 ,s nah-nah-nah boo-boo
-----------------------------------#gf
on y4
  8,:at did y f9d \1 ,mi*ael80 ask$
,mrs4 ,lilly4
  8,mr4 ,klutz 444 doesn't we>
"upants60 %\t$ ,mi*ael4
  ,"eybody gasp$6 ,we 7 all fr1k+ \6
  8,no60 %\t$ ,alexia4
  8,x c't 2 true60 %\t$ ,neil ! nude
kid4
  8,? is ! scoop ( ! c5tury60 %\t$
,&rea4
  8,wait a m9ute10 sd ,mrs4       a#gf
,lilly4 8,calm d[n1 "ey"o4 ,we h to
make sure we h \r facts /rai<t4
,mi*ael1 d y h any pro( t ,mr4 ,klutz
doesn't
-----------------------------------#gg
we> "upants80
  8,uh1 n exactly10 ,mi*ael sd4 8,b ,i
don't h any pro( t he .1does we>
"upants ei4 ,s ,i figure "!'s a
fifty-fifty *.e t ,mr4 ,klutz doesn't
we> "upants40
  ,we all look$ at ,mrs4 ,lilly4 ,%e 0
a gr[n-up1 s ! deci.n wd 2 up to h]4
  8,hmmm10 %e sd4 8,fifty-fifty1 eh8
,well1 t's gd 5 = me4 ,&rea1 put t on
page two60
  ,&rea typ$ ? 9to ! comput]3

  ,,,mr4 klutz doesn't we> "upants6,'




                                   #dc
                 #aj               #gh
           ,/op ! ,presses6

,f9ally1 .7,! ,ella ,m5try ,s5try.' 0
f9i%$1 & we 7 r1dy to pr9t x4 ,mrs4
,lilly told u we _h all d"o a grt job4
  8,c ,i pr9t \ "s extra copies s we c
take ! newspap] home & %[ x to \r
p>5ts80 ask$ ,&rea4
-----------------------------------#gi
  8,( c\rse60 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,we'll
pr9t a copy = "ey"o 9 ! class40
  ,&rea hit ! ,,pr9t button ag1 & !
pr9t] />t$ pr9t+ a bun* ( copies (
.7,! ,ella ,m5try ,s5try.'4 ,b y'll
n"e 2lieve 9 a million hundr$ ye>s :o
came walk+ 9to ! door at t mo;t4
  ,nobody4 ,x wd hurt if y walk$ 9to a
door4 ,i ?"\ y wd "k t by n[4 ,b y'll
n"e 2lieve :o pok$ 8 h1d 9 ! door4
  ,nobody6 ,:y wd any"o 9 _! "r m9d
want to poke _! h1d 9 a door8 ,t wd
hurt too4
  ,b y'll n"e 2lieve :o came

walk+ 9to \r classroom4            #hj
  ,x 0 ,mr4 ,klutz6
  8,i j want$ to see h[ y kids 7 mak+
\10 he sd4
  8,ewwwwwwww1 4gu/+60 we all %\t$4
8,we're n mak+ \40
  8,no1 ,i m1n1 h[ is yr newspap]
go+80 ask$ ,mr4 ,klutz4
  8,see = yrf10 ,mrs4 ,lilly sd z %e
took a copy \ ( ! pr9t] & h&$ x to
,mr4 ,klutz4
  ,z he r1d ! front page ( \r pap]1 8
eyes bu7$ \ & 8 jaw dropp$ op54 ,he 0
:ite z a <o/6
  8,>e y okay1 ,mr4 ,klutz80 ,i ask$
hm4
  8,,,/op ! presses6,'0 he yell$4
-----------------------------------#ha
8,(fic] ,sp;e 0 9 jail8 ,mrs4 ,yonk]s
sets build+s on fire8 ,mr4 ,dock] b1ts
8 wife8 ,mrs4 ,patty kills dogs8 ,y
c't pr9t ? /uff60
  8,:y n80 ask$ ,mrs4 ,lilly4 8,^? >e
-----------------------------------#hb
grt human 9t]e/ /ories40           #de
  8,!y're a bun* ( lies60 ,mr4    a#hb
,klutz sd4 ,he 0 r1lly mad4
  8,>e y call+ u li>s80 ask$ ,mrs4
,lilly4
  8,if ! %oe fits1 we> x60 sd ,mr4
,klutz4
  8,:at d %oes h to d ) any?+80 ,i
ask$1 b "eybody ignor$ me4
  8,": did y get ? 9=ma;n80 dem&$ ,mr4
,klutz4
  8,i'm sorry10 ,mrs4 ,lilly told hm1
8b we _c rev1l \r s\rces40
  ,mr4 ,klutz turn$ to page two ( \r
pap] & let \ a scr1m4 ,i guess he m/ h
r1d ! /ory ab hmf4
-----------------------------------#hc
,he 0 fr1k+ \4
  8,i don't we> "upants80 ,mr4 ,klutz
yell$4
  ,"eybody />t$ gi7l+ 2c ,mr4 ,klutz j
admitt$ \ l\d t he didn't we> "upants4
  8,h[ cd y possibly "k :at ,i we> or
don't we> "u my clo!s80 ,mr4 ,klutz
dem&$4
  8,we only pr9t ! facts10 sd ,mrs4
,lilly4 8,we _h no pro( t y we>   a#hc
"upants1 s we _h no *oice b to assume
y don't40
  8,t's ridicul\s60 %\t$ ,mr4 ,klutz4
8,i mo/ c]ta9ly .1d we> "upants1 & ,i
c prove x40
-----------------------------------#hd
  ,) t1 ,mr4 ,klutz pull$ d[n 8 pants4
  8,,eeeeek60 ,mrs4 ,lilly scr1m$4
8,*n6 ,don't look60
  ,b we all look$ anyway4 ,"u 8 pants1
,mr4 ,klutz 0 we>+ p9k box] %orts ) r$
he>ts on !m4 ,x 0 hil>i\s4 ,y %d h be5
"!4
  8,yr "upants >e adorable1 ,mr4
,klutz10 sd ,alexia4
  ,x 0 a r1l ,kodak mo;t4 ,s ,&rea
qkly pick$ up ,mrs4 ,lilly's cam]a &
snapp$ a picture ( ,mr4 ,klutz ) 8
pants d[n4
  8,we c use ? 9 ! .1next $i;n ( .7,!
,ella ,m5try ,s5try.'60 ,&rea sd4
-----------------------------------#he
  8,"! w .12 no next $i;n ( .7,! ,ella
,m5try ,s5try.'60 ,mr4 ,klutz      #dg
%\t$4 8,? newspap] is,-0          a#he
  ,b he didn't get ! *.e to f9i% 8
s5t;e1 2c y'll n"e 2lieve
-----------------------------------#hf
9 a million hundr$ ye>s :o came runn+
9to ! classroom at t mo;t4
  ,i'm n go+ to tell y4
  ,okay1 okay1 ,i'll tell y4
  ,b y h to r1d ! next *apt] f/4 ,s
nah-nah-nah boo-boo on y4
-----------------------------------#hg

                 #aa
          ,fre$om ( ! ,press

,! p]son :o came runn+ 9to ! classroom
at t mo;t 0 ,dr4 ,c>bles1 ! presid5t (
! ,bo>d ( ,$uca;n6 ,he 0 ! "o :o came
up ) ! idea ( ,c>e] ,"d 9 ! f/ place4
  8,klutz60 he %\t$4 8,:y >e y
-----------------------------------#hh
/&+ "! ) yr pants d[n80
  8,,,i 444 i 444 i,' 0 j prov+ to !
*n t ,i we> "upants10 ,mr4 ,klutz
expla9$4
  8,! *n >e "h to le>n ab r1d+1   a#hh
writ+1 & >i?metic10 yell$
-----------------------------------#hi
,dr4 ,c>bles4 8,!y're n "h to le>n ab
yr "uwe>40
  8,b 444 b 444 b 4440
  ,we all />t$ gi7l+ 2c ,mr4 ,klutz
kept say+ 8b10 : s.ds j l 8butt02 b y
c't say 8butt0 9 s*ool4 ,nobody "ks
:y4
  8,p>ad+ >.d 9 yr "upants is n "p (
yr job descrip;n1 ,klutz60 sd ,dr4
,c>bles4 8,y're fir$60
  ,"eybody gasp$4 ,t's :5 a bun* ( !
t1*]s came runn+ 9to ! room4
  8,we he>d t ! /ud5ts >e writ+ m1n
/ories ab u 9 ! s*ool pap]10 %\t$ ,mr4
,macky4 8,is ? true80
-----------------------------------#ij
  8,yes1 x's true60 ,mr4 ,klutz sd1
wav+ >.d a copy ( .7,! ,ella ,m5try
,s5try.'4 8,look at ?6 ,8,mrs4
,patty,-,dog ,kill]6,0 ,8,vice
,pr9cipal ,poison$ ,def5se.s
,animals6,00                       #di
  8,y c't pr9t t g>bage60 %\t$    a#ij
,ms4 ,coco4
  8,sure we c10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4
8,didn't
-----------------------------------#ia
y "e he> ( fre$om ( ! press8 ,x's 9 !
,f/ ,am5d;t40
  8,well1 ,i'm ! presid5t ( ! ,bo>d (
,$uca;n10 sd ,dr4 ,c>bles z he gra2$
all ! pap]s \ ( ! pr9t]1 8& :at ,i say
goes4 ,i'm %utt+ d[n .7,! ,ella ,m5try
,s5try.' "r n[60
  ,"eybody gasp$4
-----------------------------------#ib
  8,t's n fair60 ,ryan %\t$4 8,x's \r
pap]4 ,y c't %ut x d[n60
  8,oh yes1 ,i c60 ,dr4 ,c>bles sd4
8,& "!'s no?+ y c d ab x4 ,nobody w
.1"e r1d ? tra%60
  ,"eybody 0 r1lly upset4 ,b ,mrs4
,lilly _h a ll smile on h] face4
  8,i'm sorry to tell y ?10 %e sd
quietly1 8b p >e .1alr r1d+ .7,! ,ella
,m5try ,s5try.'40
  8,:at860 %\t$ ,dr4 ,c>bles z he wav$
! pap]s 9 ! air4 8,h[ c anybody   a#ib
r1d x if ,i h all ! pages80
  8,2c !y're r1d+ ! onl9e $i;n10 ,mrs4
,lilly told hm4 8.7,! ,ella ,m5try
,s5try.' is on ! 9t]net4 ,i s5t x
-----------------------------------#ic
to ,wiki,l1ks4 ,?\s&s ( p >e probably
r1d+ x "r n[40
  8,oh no60 %\t$ ,mr4 ,klutz4
8,"eybody is go+ to ?9k ,i h two
wives1 & t ,i don't we> "upants60
  8,p >e go+ to say ,i b1t my wife60
%\t$ ,mr4 ,dock]4
  8,!y'll say ,i'm a drunk60 %\t$
,miss ,laney4
  8,& t ,i kill def5se.s animals10
%\t$ ,mrs4 ,jafee4
  ,sudd5ly1 "! 0 a sir5 \tside4 ,i
look$ \ ! w9d[4 ,a police c> pull$ up
to ! s*ool1 & two cops got \4 ,a m9ute
lat] !y 7 9 \r classroom4
  8,: "o ( y is ! pr9cipal (
-----------------------------------#id
? s*ool80 "o ( ! policem5 ask$4
  8,i am10 sd ,mr4 ,klutz4         #ea
  8,well1 y're "u >re/10 sd !     a#id
policeman4 8,x's ag/ ! law to h m ?an
"o wife40
  8,b 444 b 444 b 444 ? is all a big
mi/ake1 ,(fic]10 ,mr4 ,klutz tri$ to
expla94 8,i don't h,-0
  8,y h ! "r to rema9 sil5t10 9t]rupt$
! policeman z he got \ a pair (
h&cu6s4 8,s 2 quiet4 ,& pull up yr
pants40
  ,! policeman h&cu6$ ,mr4 ,klutz & l$
hm away4 ,! o!r policeman took a pad \
( 8 pocket4
  8,okay1 we al ne$ to >re/ ! guy
-----------------------------------#ie
:o b1ts 8 wife1 ! lady :o burns d[n
h\ses1 ! c> ?ief1 &1 uh1 :o's ! dog
kill]80 he ask$4
  8,t wd 2 me10 sd ,mrs4 ,patty1 rais+
h] h&4
  8,! guy :o kisses m>ri$ wom5 c /ay10
sd ! policeman1 8& s c ! illegal ali5
& ! lady :o ?9ks %e sees ,elvis 9 s\p
b[ls4 ,b we're

keep+ an eye on y ?ree40           #if
  ,he put h&cu6s on ,mr4 ,dock]1 ,mrs4
,yonk]s1 ,ms4 ,coco1 & ,mrs4 ,patty4
,!n he l$ !m \ ! doorway4 ,x 0 cool6
,we got to see x live & 9 p]son4
  ,nobody sd any?+ = a :ile af !
police c> drove away4 ,!n ,mrs4 ,lilly
/ood up & put h] tr5* coat on4
  8,well1 my "w is d"o "h10 %e sd4 8,y
c ?ank me lat]4 ,= n[1 ,i h to g40
  8,d y h to g10 ,i ask$1 8or d y h to
.1g80
  8,i m1n1 l1ve10 sd ,mrs4 ,lilly4
  8,y don't ne$ to use l1ves10 ,i told
h]4 8,"!'s toilet pap] 9 ! ba?room40
-----------------------------------#ig
  ,dr4 ,c>bles & j ab all ! o!r
gr[n-ups left ! classroom af t4 ,!
only "o :o 0 / "! 0 ,mr4 ,granite4
  8,okay10 sd ,mr4 ,granite1 8maybe we
c f9ally d \r ma? lesson n[4 ,turn to
-----------------------------------#ih
page tw5ty-?ree 9 yr,-0
  ,he n"e got ! *.e to f9i% 8 s5t;e1
2c at t mo;t a l\d bell rang4      #ec
  .1,brrrrrrriiiii9nnnnnnn77gg6   a#ih
  ,x 0 ?ree o'clock6 ,"t to g home6
,yay6 ,no ma?6
  ,:5 ,i got home1 my mom ask$ me :at
happ5$ at s*ool dur+ ! "d4
  8,no?+10 ,i said4"9
"333333
"9,any "t yr p>5ts ask :at happ5$ at
  s*ool dur+ ! "d1 y %d alw say
  8,no?+40 ,t's ! f/ rule ( 2+ a kid4
-----------------------------------#ii

                 #ab
          ,lies6 ,all ,lies6

,i didn't "k if s*ool wd 2 op5 on
,mon"d1 2c ,mr4 ,klutz & half ! t1*]s
7 9 jail4 ,b :5 ,i got to s*ool1 !
front door 0 op51 & "! 7 a bun* (
sub/itute t1*]s 9 ! halls4
----------------------------------#ajj
  ,mo/ ( ! kids 7 alr 9 class :5 ,i
got "!4 ,i put my /uff 9 my cu2y & sat
d[n4"9 ,& y'll n"e 2lieve :o walk$ 9to
! door at t mo;t4
  ,x 0 ,mayor ,hu2le1 :o is l    a#ajj
! k+ ( ! :ole t[n6 ,he walk$ "r 9to !
door6
  8,\*60 ,mayor ,hu2le sd4 8,t hurts60
  8,w y 2 \r t1*] td1 ,mayor80 ask$
,&rea1 :o n"e misses ! *.e to br[nnose
a gr[n-up4
  8,yes10 ,mayor ,hu2le sd1 8we ran \
( sub/itute t1*]s1 s ,i'm fill+ 9 td40
"333333
"9,but n 9 my cu2y4 ,t wd 2 weird4
----------------------------------#aja
  8,is x true t y 7 go+ to ! ba?room
:5 a tree fell on yr h\se80 ,alexia
ask$ ! mayor4
  8,yes1 ,i 0 trapp$ 9 "! = _m h\rs40
  8,well1 at l1/ y _h a ba?room h&y10
,i sd4
  ,! mayor op5$ up 8 briefcase & pull$
\ "s pap]s4 ,he pass$ "o to ea* ( u4
  8,! t1*]s 7 9spir$ by y
----------------------------------#ajb
kids10 ,mayor ,hu2le sd4 8,ov] !
week5d1 !y made a ll newspap] j l yrs4
,i ?"\ y mi<t want to look at x4   #ee
,"! >e "s grt human 9t]e/        a#ajb
/ories 9 "h40
  ,i look$ at ! newspap]4 ,? is :at !
top h1dl9e sd3

  ,a4,j4 ,picks ,nose1 ,eats ,x6

  8,ewwwwwwwww1 4gu/+60 ,neil ! nude
kid %\t$4
  8,hey1 ,a4,j410 sd ,mi*ael4 8,did y
r1lly eat yr nose80
  8,no60 ,i %\t$4
  ,i want$ to g run away to ,ant>ctica
& live ) ! p5gu9s4 ,!n ,i look$ at !
o!r h1dl9es on ! page3

  ,mi*ael ,c't ,tie ,8 ,[n ,%oes6
----------------------------------#ajc
  ,ryan ,w ,eat ,any?+,-,ev5 ,/uff t
    isn't ,food6
  ,"u ,8 ,clo!s1 ,neil ,is ,nude6
  ,a4,j4 & ,alexia3 ,tw9s ,sep>at$ at
    ,bir?6
  ,&rea ,fails ,spell+ ,te/6

                                 a#ajc
  ,"eybody 0 yell+ & scr1m+ & fr1k+ \4
,& nobody 0 m upset ?an ,&rea4
  8,t's a lie60 %e %\t$4 8,i n"e got
less ?an an ,a plus on any te/ 9 my
life60
  8,! t1*]s c't pr9t ^! lies ab u60
%\t$ ,neil ! nude kid4
  8,sure !y c10 sd ,mayor ,hu2le4
8,did y "e he> ( fre$om ( ! press80
  8,t's n fair60 we all %\t$4
  ,at t mo;t an ann\nce;t came
----------------------------------#ajd
ov] ! l\dsp1k]4 ,we _h to report to !
all-purpose room = an assembly4
  8,x's "t to g10 sd ,mayor ,hu2le4
  8,is x "t to g10 ,i ask$1 8or is x
"t to .1g80
  8,x's "t to g10 sd ,mayor ,hu2le4
----------------------------------#aje
  8,:at if we don't h to g80 ask$
,ryan4
  8,we .1all h to g10 sd ,mayor
,hu2le4
  8,at ! same "t80 ask$ ,mi*ael4   #eg
  8,i don't h to g10 ,i sd4      a#aje
  8,me nei10 sd ,alexia4
  8,i j w5t a few m9utes ago10 sd
,emily4
  8,i'll g lat]10 sd ,neil ! nude kid4

,well1 t's pretty m* :at happ5$4
,maybe ! t1*]s w get \ ( jail soon4
,maybe we'll publi% ano!r $i;n ( .7,!
,ella ,m5try ,s5try.'4 ,maybe ,mrs4
,lilly w /op gra2+ p's eyeballs4
,maybe ,tony ,eagle w /op runn+
----------------------------------#ajf
9to doors4 ,maybe !y'll get t tree \ (
,mayor ,hu2le's ba?room4 ,maybe ,&rea
w explode4 ,maybe ,mr4 ,klutz w /op
pull+ 8 pants d[n 9 s*ool4 ,maybe
we'll all get 9vit$ to "o ( ,mrs4
,yonk]s's b>becues4 ,maybe ,mr4 ,macky
w /op kiss+ 8 wife 9 public4 ,maybe
"eybody w /op hav+ to g all ! "t4
,maybe we'll f9ally get "? page
tw5ty-?ree 9 \r ma? books4
  ,b x won't 2 easy6
             @.<,! ,5d@.>